The Last 15 Days

• Hcg came down to 30, then again to 6.75...we are considered negative! Finally. Only took two months.
• Pre-Op for 10/27 cervical dilation and hysteroscopy went well. Discussed MTHFR mutation. Dr. W explained it's commonly found in Jewish people. Suggested I just take two Folgard pills to up my B vitamins. Phew. I felt much better after the talk. Spoke about the surgery and what the steps are. Ugh...but I know it will benefit us in so many ways.
• Started taking bcp again. Yay!
• Had surgery on 10/27. Everything went well. Good News: we are in the clear. No objustructions, shape is great, all normal. Beautiful news! In a fog, being wheeled out of surgery, I remember asking the nurse if Dr.W found anything. She said she didn't know and would have him speak to me. When he spoke with me and Rob after surgery, all smiles were on our faces. My cervix is still a bear. It tilts up, down and to my left shoulder. Dr. W said he now has a "road map" to my uterus, through my cervix, for the next transfer. I have a feeling it's not going to be as easy as it should be but much less difficult than the last transfer. Before Rob and I hit the pillow, I looked at him and said, "This is a big day. We can finally move on." Feels really good.
• Recooperation: I relaxed. Watched TV. Was taken very well care of by my hubby and mom. Dad and Cindy brought over dinner after surgery. It was nice. I had some cramping and some bleeding for about six days. Not bad.
• Next Up: Finish my bcp (which is Saturday), wait for menses to begin and then we can start prepping my body for the next transfer. Most likely early December. Here's to year 32...this is the year, I can feel it.

Believe it or not.

Well, wouldn't you know, to my surprise, I got my period! I expected my period to arrive in about two weeks or so because my hCG is still coming down. Hmmm...hopefully it's dropped tremendously. Long story short, I spoke with Shanda and she has me scheduled to come in tomorrow for another blood test instead of Thursday. In the meantime, we've scheduled my hysteroscopy for Wednesday, Oct. 27th (barring there are no other obstacles...I'm not holding my breath). So, tomorrow, blood work, Wednesday, pre-op, the following Wednesday, surgery. Believe it or not, we are coming to a close on this chapter and will be penning a new one soon! Oh g-d, I hope the next chapter is filled with less road blocks and happier times. Sigh....

The Doggie

I'm lying here in bed, 6:21 p.m., relaxing while typing. Waiting for Rob to turn into the driveway (well, his car, not him per se). I'm looking at the most wonderful pooch in the whole wide world. I've talked about my incredibly loving hubby but I've been mum about our pooch. He is part of this fertility journey as well. Naturally, we want him to have a baby sister or brother (he'll be jealous at first but then, we know, we'll be chopped liver once he becomes best-friends with the babes). I know, it sounds weird but if you are a dog owner and, more so, a dog lover then you know what I mean. Anyhoo, Toby continues to bring such joy, such love, such warmth and such care always and throughout this process. He knows when we are blue and is right by our side. More importantly, just looking at him brings us so much joy. Watching his happiness reminds us of how wonderful life is! And, it's the simple things that make us realize how easy it is to love life...a good petting, a belly rub, a treat, the dog park, grass and sleeping soundly next to the people we love. We love our doggie sooooo much! This one's for you, Tobes...Woof! xoxo

Off The Subject

I just had to share that my dad's knee replacement, replacement, went very well yesterday! Soooo happy about that. Now, it's onto the road of recovery but at least this time he can actually walk, put weight on his leg and get out of that wheelchair.

Phew.

Another Thursday approached, another hCG test, another result. Good news...the level continues to drop. We are in the home stretch. Next Thursday will be another results day. I'm feeling good about it...I think we will be scheduling my hysteroscopy shortly. Shanda, my nurse, said once I get to zero and once I get my menses, I will start birth control pills (bcp) again and then we will be able to set a date for surgery. Yes! Not that I'm thrilled to be having surgery but I'm grateful we'll be able to get the show on the road.

Last evening I watched the current episode of Grey's Anatomy. Meredith Grey's life, somewhat, resembles my life, in terms of strength and survival. She is beginning her fertility journey (I prefer to say fertility journey instead of the dreaded word of "infertility") and has survived her mother's fight through Alzheimer's. (Side Note: not that the show or any form of media has portrayed the disease correctly. I wish producers, actors, directors would meet with real life families who have experienced this heart-wrenching, disgusting, rancid disease. When they play a musician, they take lessons, when they play an athlete, they practice hardcore. Come on people! Get with the program when it comes to portraying a disease correctly!) Anyhoo, Meredith is contemplating finding out if she has the Alzheimer's gene (also somewhat dumb because there is only one link of an Alzheimer's gene and there are many forms of Alzheimer's. Just because you don't have the gene doesn't mean you are free and clear. Okay, enough of my rant with that.) As Derek and Meredith are turning out the lights Derek says to Meredith, referring to their baby journey and with the worry of getting Alzheimer's, (the quote deserves its own line)...

"Whatever happens, happens. Let's just live."

Enough said.

Everywhere I Turn

It seems everywhere I go, everywhere I look, every direction I turn, my eyes land on every pregnant woman in eyes view. Or, a grandma pushing the stroller with her grandchild or a new mom whisking quickly by on a mission to get to her next stop or oogling over her baby. My eyes hone into the pregnant people of the world or the new mom's club. There's a bit of jealousy, a slight stab in the heart and the inevitable question, "why me?" I often wonder when it's going to be my turn. I just wish I knew...

My wonderful therapist told me, in one of our first sessions, that one day I will be obliviously happy and won't even notice a pregnant belly, a new mom or a newborn. Bring it on!!

I bought make-up...it made me feel better :) Retail therapy, such bliss!

The Results Are In!

Good News...I received a call from my wonderful nurse, Shanda. She informed me that my hcg has continued to drop. Phew. My numbers are dropping slowly. It isn't uncommon but there are "other people" who drop really quickly. I just find myself in every category, of what I call, an extra pain in the ass. Nothing is easy. Well, except for our beautiful embryos which I understand we are in an incredible category of our own. Incredible embryos are very rare to come by and we have them. I will continue to say, I'm very grateful for that.

I catch myself being frustrated that I have to be the slow poke, that my pg hormone won't just leave. But, I have to keep in mind, the goal here is to see the numbers move downward and that's exactly what they are doing. I'd hate to be in the other category...so, I guess I'll be happy with the one I'm in now.